Campfire Notes

Messages For An Anxious Camper

Messages For An Anxious Camper

A camper smiles happily at summer camp while looking through a cargo net

Read more of Sunshine’s camp-related posts at her website, Sunshine Parenting.

“Children want to be independent, and they realize that they cannot be truly independent until they beat homesickness, even when they have a painful case of it.”
– Michael Thompson, PhD., Homesick and Happy

Recently I spoke with a mom whose 11-year-old son is coming to camp in a few days.  He’s nervous.  He had a negative experience at a one-week science camp.  He doesn’t think he can “make it for two weeks” and is worried he’ll be too homesick to make it at camp.   I chatted with the mom and gave her some key messages to communicate to her son.  She asked for them in bullet points in an email, and I thought there are probably others who might benefit from this same list, so I’m sharing this with anyone who has a child suffering from pre-camp anxiety.

Before I share my list, let me say that if you are not a camp proponent and don’t plan on sending your child to camp, you should probably not read any further.  I am a huge supporter of camp and recently had a JC (Junior Counselor) tell me that “Camp made her who she is today.”  So, I think that camp is a great thing for building kids’ independence and confidence.  I have also seen many kids work through some pretty painful emotions at camp, so I know that camp is not easy for all kids.

A summer camp camper gives two thumbs up on a backpacking tripWe have 7-year-olds at our camp who do great during our two-week sessions.   They are the ones who’ve begged their parents to let them come to camp and generally have older siblings who’ve attended camp. I also talk to a lot of parents with older kids who “aren’t sure if they’re ready for camp.” One thing I’ve learned after close to three decades at camp is that the same kids who are anxious and hesitant about going to camp when they’re nine or ten will still be anxious when they’re 13.  And they may not be interested in going away to college when they’re 18, either.

So, as a parent, you need to decide how to approach your child’s separation anxiety, as well as your own.  You can avoid it and not send them to camp and hope that they develop independence in other ways, which is definitely possible.  Or, you can bite the bullet, give them these positive messages, and send them off to camp with a smile, knowing that it may be hard for them, but they will grow from the experience.

Smiling campers pose at a summer camp in front of a covered wagon

In Michael Thompson, PhD.’s book Homesick and Happy, he says “It is the very challenge of camp that makes it such a life-changing experience for so many children.”  I know there are many parents and children who just can’t stomach the idea of going through some painful time apart.  Again, you need not read further if you are not sending your reluctant child to camp.

This post is for those of you who have decided that your child is going to camp, and especially for those of you who had a previously excited camper who is now having last-minute camp anxiety.   Here are some messages you can give prior to dropping your camper at the bus or at camp.  Pick and choose, and of course, use your own words, but acknowledge your child’s feelings and empathize with them while holding firm in your confidence in their ability to succeed and your belief that camp will be good for them.

Two campers in life jackets smile on a ski boat at an American summer camp

Without further ado, here are some messages to give to your anxious camper:

  • Let them know that missing home is okay.

    “You may feel homesick, and that’s okay.  A lot of kids feel that way. That just means that you love us and you love home. I feel homesick when I’m on trips, too. Missing home is part of life. But I know you can still have fun at camp, even if you feel sad sometimes.”

  • Reassure them that there are people at camp who will take care of their needs. 

    “There are adults at camp (counselors, directors) who are there to take care of you and help you with anything you need.  They can help with things you normally come to me about.  Let them know if you are feeling sad, and they can help you.  They have lots of experience working with kids who are away from home for the first time.”

  • Talk with your child honestly about the importance of starting to develop some independence.  

    Something along the lines of:  “It may seem like a long way off, but in a few years, you’ll be ready for college.  I want you to feel confident in your ability to live away from me so that you can choose any school you like, even if it’s far away from home.  Think of camp like your practice time for when you’re older and ready to move away for school or a job.  You’ll get better at being independent by starting now, when you’re young, with short spurts of time away.  Some kids aren’t doing well when they start college because they don’t have any experience being away from home.  I want you to feel great when you go to college because you’ll know that you’ve already been successful with short camp stays.”

  • Share the reality that many good things in life come with some pain and failure. 

    If you have a story from your own life of something that you had to work hard at or had to go through difficulties in order to master, this is a great time to share.   Something along the lines of, “Many good things in life aren’t easy at first.  Learning a new sport or trying something new is really hard.   Sometimes you have to get out of your comfort zone to discover something you really love.  If you never go through anything hard, you’re going to miss out on some great experiences.  The first few days of camp may be hard, and that’s okay.  I know you’ll work through it and figure out what makes you feel better.  I have confidence in you, and I am so proud of you for going to camp and trying this new adventure!

  • Let them know that you are confident in them. 

    “I am so excited that you get to go to camp this year.  I know it’s going to be such a great experience for you and that you are ready for this.”   If you went to camp, share with your camper what you liked about it and how you grew from the experience.

  • Make sure they know you want to hear about everything. 

    “Every day comes with its good and bad parts.  When you’re at camp, I want you to write me letters and tell me all of the stuff that you’re doing and feeling.  If you feel homesick at rest time, tell me about it, and also tell me what you did to help yourself.  Did you talk to your counselor?  Keep yourself busy playing cards with friends?  Write me a letter?  I also want you to share good stuff.  Did you get your favorite food for lunch?  Try rock climbing?  Get up on a kneeboard?  I want to hear both the good and bad things about camp in your letters.”

  • If your camper asks you if you will pick him up if he’s sad, you need to let him know that you are not going to pick him up early. 

    “Even if you’re a little homesick for the whole time you’re at camp, you’re going to feel so much better about the experience if you stick it out and make the best of it.  Most kids feel better after a few days of getting settled in and adjusted, and I know you’ll feel great once you let yourself relax and just start enjoying all the fun things at camp.  I’m not going to pick you up early, no matter what, because I know you will feel really proud of yourself for making it through camp, even if you have some hard days.”

A group of backpackers looks at a mountain lake in the high sierra
Looking at a mountain lake

In Homesick and Happy, Thompson says, “Homesickness is not a psychiatric illness.  It is not a disorder.  It is the natural, inevitable consequence of leaving home.  Every child is going to feel it, more or less, sooner or later.  Every adult has had to face it and overcome it at some point in life … If you cannot master it, you cannot leave home.”

Campers smile for the camera at summer camp in California

I would like to note that you do not need to use all of these messages but instead choose the ones you think will resonate most with your child.  What’s most important is that you express confidence in your child and in the camp experience.    These same messages would be great as responses to a sad letter you receive from your camper.

I always tell the kids that the fun and happy feelings at camp usually far outweigh any sad feelings.  Many kids tell me they “don’t feel homesick at all,” but there are some who struggle, especially during their first summer.  Those kids seem to grow the most and feel the most pride in their accomplishment of staying at camp.   If you are feeling worried about how your child will do at camp, know that you are giving your child a precious gift by allowing them this special time where they get to grow their wings.

 

 

Posted in:
The Greatest Internship

The Greatest Internship

A male camp counselor with his arm around a camper at Gold Arrow Camp

By Alison “Bean” Moeschberger

I still cringe every time I hear a counselor tell me that they’re not returning to camp next summer because they have to get an internship to prepare for their “real job.”  It stings because this is my real job, but, more than that, I believe wholeheartedly in the training and life preparation counselors experience while working at summer camp.  It would be easy to say that camp counseling is a good internship for people who want to work with children for their career, but the work experience camp counselors gain at camp translates to strong, employable skills that any company would be excited to see in their applicants.

6 Critical Skills Counselors Develop at Camp:

Summer Camp staff member at Gold Arrow Camp prepares a young girl to climb a cargo net

Responsibility

There is no greater responsibility than caring for other people’s children.  Camp counselors are responsible for the 24-hour care of a group of children.  They have a very significant presence on the camp’s organizational chart, and their work with campers is essential to camp’s operation.

4 Summer camp staff smile for the camera at Gold Arrow Camp

Teamwork

Camp provides a unique opportunity where counselors live, work, and play together.  The friendships they develop over the summer are some of the strongest and most long-lasting relationships.  Camp counselors learn to live in community with people who have very different personalities and life experiences.  They adapt and work well with a range of people.

Summer Camp staff member at Gold Arrow Camp in a tie dye shirt points at the sky while a young boy points along with him

Creativity & Problem Solving

Whether it’s altering the plan for the day because of weather or figuring out a more efficient way to move 10 children from one place to another, camp counselors are constantly provided with opportunities to solve problems and be creative.  They must be flexible and be able to think quickly when alternative solutions are required.

Campers are photographed from above sitting in a star shape

Communication Skills

Without the distraction of technology and social media, camp counselors strengthen their communication skills by engaging in face-to-face interaction with campers and fellow counselors.  They learn how to lead group discussions and practice conflict resolution almost daily.

A cabin of summer camp boys and their counselor stand a salute on a capsized Hobie catamaran at Gold Arrow Camp

Leadership

Children want and need positive role models in their lives.  Camp counselors are closer in age to campers than most of their adult role models at home, and the unique relationships they can form are hugely influential as campers navigate adolescence.  Counselors are forced to examine themselves and share important life lessons with their campers.  They need to remain appropriate in their language and appearance at all times, and living closely with children often causes counselors to see themselves from a different perspective.  It is a powerful experience to be a role model for a child.

Summer Camp counselor smiles at camera while hugging camper

Selflessness

The nature of the job as a camp counselor is humbling.  Camp counselors focus primarily on the safety and happiness of the campers in their care, at the expense of personal freedom and privacy.  Young adulthood can often be a very self-centered time.  People seek instant gratification and act more spontaneously.  The selflessness practiced at camp makes counselors happier and more fulfilled, and we often hear that counselors feel like the best version of themselves because of camp.

Internships are temporary positions that are designed to provide on-the-job training and work experience, and there is no better internship than becoming a camp counselor.

Sources:

http://www.acacamps.org/blog/counselors/10-reasons-why-businesses-should-hire-former-camp-counselors

http://www.acacamps.org/campmag/1405/camp-belongs-resume

http://college.usatoday.com/2011/07/27/opinion-skip-the-internship-go-to-camp/

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/02/25/the-internship-that-looks-good-vs-the-job-that-pays/

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/05/29/the-camp-counselor-vs-the-intern/?_r=0

 

Posted in: