In Episode 98 of the Sunshine Parenting Podcast, Audrey “Sunshine” Monke chats with Tom Rosenberg, CEO of the American Camp Association. Sunshine and Tom talk about research about the positive impact of camp and their joint passion for partnering with parents to bring camp to schools and homes. Tom uses Sunshine’s new favorite word, “camplify,” to describe this spreading of the positive camp message to venues outside of camp.
Topics & Ideas Discussed
There are an estimated 14 million kids going to camps in the U.S. this summer.
Ninety-three percent of American Camp Association camps offer financial aid and scholarships for campers. Parents need to work well in advance to apply for those resources.
Parents can use the ‘Find A Camp’ tool on the American Camp Association’s website to search for the ACA accredited camps. This is a parent’s best assurance that a camp has met the foundational standards of a safe and healthy camp experience for their child.
There are many different kinds of camps. There are camps for specific cultural groups, for kids with a particular medical disorder, for kids with a specific area of interest, and many, many more.
It’s important for parents to visit a summer camp before sending their child to one so that they can see what camp is all about.
At camp, kids have the opportunity to learn to be themselves, make mistakes, learn from those mistakes, and try again.
The American Camp Association website provides wonderful videos and other resources for parents.
Camp helps kids build relationship skills and learn from people with different backgrounds and experiences.
Camp is about positive risk.
The more kids put into their camp experience, the more they get out of it.
People who been camp counselors before becoming teachers or parents really have an advantage when it comes to relating to kids.
Camp techniques work at home too.
On Tuesday, July 20, camps across America will be celebrating Camp Kindness Day.
On July 20, 2021, the camp community will participate in Camp Kindness Day – an event highlighting the practice of intentional kindness that happens every day at American camps. This is an opportunity to raise awareness of the great work that camps are doing to teach kindness in engaging, simple, repeatable, and high impact ways that live on in the daily lives of campers and staff members when they return home.
Focusing on our youth and young adults, Camp Kindness Day will help showcase the commitment of the camp community to fostering the core values of kindness, compassion, generosity, and care, and integrating those values more fully into every aspect of our society. These values are already part of the fabric of the camp experience. We share the mission for our youth to be nurtured, taught, supported, and inspired to grow into our new generation of kind, compassionate, socially-minded, community-oriented citizens.
Camp Kindness Day will allow camps to incorporate into their July 20 programming fun theme-based activities and cooperative games, cool projects, and memorable moments which will celebrate the value and impact of kindness.
About Tom Rosenberg, CEO of the American Camp Association
Tom Rosenberg has a distinguished career in the camp profession and a long resume of service to ACA. He most recently served as the executive director of Camp Judaea in Hendersonville, North Carolina. Prior to Camp Judaea, Tom spent more than two decades with Blue Star Camps in North Carolina, most of those years as a director. Tom is a past national treasurer and board member of the ACA as well as a past board president and treasurer of ACA Southeastern. A founding board member of the North Carolina Youth Camp Association, Tom was awarded the Henderson County Chamber of Commerce’s inaugural Camp Industry Leadership Award as well as the American Camp Association’s National Honor Award and ACA Southeastern’s Distinguished Service Award.
With an educational focus in business, Tom graduated with distinction from the Marshall School of Business at the University of Southern California with an MBA and from the AB Freeman School of Business at Tulane University with a BS in Management. He is also a graduate of ACA’s Camp Director Institute.
Tom melds his experience in the camp profession with business expertise, inspirational vision, successful fundraising experience, professional agility, organizational skills, and strategic focus — attributes that are essential to achieving success as ACA’s President/CEO. We are indeed fortunate to have such a thoughtful, dedicated, and experienced leader who is willing to take his commitment to camp, youth development, and ACA to a greater level. Tom, his wife Pam Sugarman, and their son Daniel live in Atlanta, Georgia.
Inspiring and irresistibly practical! Happy Campers is a post-millennial parenting treasure–brimming with dozens of essential, achievable and transformative parenting strategies. Laugh and cry with Audrey Monke as she masterfully distills a lifetime of professional camp director wisdom that will guide your family to great joy and fun together while becoming more deeply optimistic, communicative, resilient, adaptable, socially competent and emotionally confident. -Tom Rosenberg, American Camp Association
About five years into her parenting journey, our very own Audrey “Sunshine” Monke realized it was time to take some best practices from camp into her home – knowing that connection, positive parenting, fostering independence, grit, and kindness – all things we do at camp – are things that can help build a stronger bond between parents and children at home, and just make life at home more fun! That’s why she wrote Happy Campers: 9 Summer Camp Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults – to provide a resource parents could use for years to help families connect and thrive.
Let HAPPY CAMPERS serve as a resource to help you better connect with your kids, create a positive family culture, and use through the years to coach your kids to grow their kindness, optimism, grit, responsibility, independence, and friendship skills, the way we do at camp.
Sign up here for immediate access to Happy Campers resources, including Sunshine’s most popular READY FOR ADULTHOOD & SOCIAL SKILLS checklists, Questions for Connection, a Family Meeting Agenda, and a 9-Week Read-Along guide with free, printable resources just in time to kick off your summer!
With this book, parents can bring home the magic of camp and learn all the simple secrets the counselors use to build meaningful relationships that will help your child grow and meet their fullest potential as young adults. Dr. Jim Sears, Pediatrician
Audrey “Sunshine” Monke
Audrey “Sunshine” Monke, MA, has been the owner of Gold Arrow Camp since 1989 and currently serves as the Chief Visionary Officer. In addition to her vision-casting and mentoring at GAC, Sunshine is an author (Happy Campers: 9 Summer Camp Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults), Host of the Sunshine Parenting podcast, speaker and coach on the topics of parenting, social skills, and happiness. Find out more at her website, Sunshine Parenting.
My shy, quiet nine-year-old went to camp not knowing a soul. Two weeks later, she came home transformed. She blossomed. She made friends, learned a multitude of activities, felt safe, loved, confident, and happy — really, really happy. As hard as it was on me, it was all worth it for her. It was the single best thing I have ever done for her.
-First-time camp parent
Is your kid going to camp this summer? Congratulations! You’re giving them an experience that may have many life-long, positive benefits. You are giving them the opportunity to grow and develop skills and character traits that are often hard to develop in the comforts of home.
Let this list remind you about some of the many reasons why you are being a great parent by sending your child to camp this summer!
At camp this summer, your child will…
#1 BE HAPPIER
Camp makes me happy and nothing can prepare me for life as well as this environment.
“Come on,” you’re thinking, “How can two weeks in the mountains change my child’s overall happiness level?” Good question. In research I conducted a few years ago, one of the things that both parents and kids agreed was that children feel happier after being at camp. The combination of positive emotions, deep friendships, being disconnected from technology, and just plain fun makes kids feel happier at and after camp. I’ve previously written about how the science of positive psychology may explain why kids flourish at camp and demonstrate increased happiness levels during and after their camp experience. In this era, when we’re seeing our kids suffer from rising rates of depression and anxiety, isn’t it nice to know that there’s a place where kids can go that actually serves as a positive intervention for overall happiness?
#2 DISCOVER THEIR BEST SELF
Being at camp gives me this sense of belonging that I’ve never felt anywhere else.
In many different ways, but all with the same underlying meaning, campers describe camp as a place where they can be themselves. They feel open to saying and being who they really are, not stuck conforming to what’s considered “cool” and “acceptable” in the outside world. Surrounded by a diverse group of friends of different ages and backgrounds, kids develop the ability to explore their own interests and express their own thoughts better.
As a parent, I hate to admit that I sometimes push my own interests on my kids, even when I don’t mean to. For example, I might say, “You’re so good at softball! Don’t you want to keep playing?” when my child says she doesn’t want to play anymore. When kids step away from their regular activities and normal life schedules (as well as their well-meaning but often overly directive parents), they have the opportunity to think through what’s really important to them as individuals.
#3 GROW THEIR GRIT
The counselors challenged me to do things I wouldn’t normally do at home.
Learning self-reliance, experiencing mistakes and failures, and reaching for goals are all camp experiences that help campers develop their grit, an important character trait that we’ve learned is critical to success in life. Camp offers a unique experience to children – the chance to be away from their parents for a short period of time and learn to handle more things on their own. Without parents to step in and assist, or rescue from mistakes, kids develop confidence in their own ability to make decisions and solve problems. Just being “on their own” is a huge confidence builder for kids, and they feel more self-reliant after being responsible for themselves and their belongings for a few weeks.
#4 MEET POSITIVE ROLE MODELS
Camp has made me into a leader, having the best role models as my counselors to look up to.
One of the best things that happens at camp is that kids get exposed to a different kind of adult role model than what they see in the media. No reality TV stars will be gracing the waterfront or backpacking trips at summer camp. No perfectly coiffed and stick-thin model will be standing next to them brushing teeth in the bathroom. No macho guy who speaks disrespectfully about women will be leading the campfire discussion. In fact, the college students who choose to spend their summer working at camp are an outstanding bunch of young adults. Most are stellar students with outstanding leadership skills. They love the outdoors and working with kids, and they are the kind of people we want our kids to emulate. They love leading discussions on topics that are important to their campers and helping them build confidence. There’s no focus on appearance at summer camp, and so designer clothes, makeup, and trendy hair-styles don’t hold the same importance that they do at junior high or high school. In fact, the predominant style at camp is pajama pants paired with dirt and sweat-stained t-shirts. And we hardly ever spend time in front of a mirror.
#5 DEVELOP BETTER COMMUNICATION SKILLS
The other part of camp that has influenced me the most is the simple idea of trying to always smile.
In post-camp surveys, campers consistently write about how ditching their electronics was one of the best things about their camp experience. In fact, it’s a practice they take home with them, setting aside phones during meals with friends so they can connect more genuinely, face-to-face. In the absence of technological tethers, campers have many hours each day to practice these face-to-face communication skills. They learn the importance of things like eye contact, smiles, and body language as they positively interact with their peers. Counselors help facilitate lively discussions, and campers learn to ask each other questions, listen more carefully, and figure out common interests. Kids learn and practice valuable communication skills at camp, which they can use throughout their lives.
#6 DEVELOP INDEPENDENCE
Going to camp has made me even more independent and a much better people-person. I am able to go confidently up to someone and introduce myself, or hang out with someone new because of my time at camp.
You are giving your child the opportunity to live and thrive without being with you and under your constant scrutiny. The growth in confidence and independence happen at camp BECAUSE you are not there. Read more about why camp experiences help kids develop independence in Parking Your Helicopter.
#7 EXPERIENCE OUTDOOR CHILDHOOD FUN & ADVENTURE
I have so many fond memories of camp that I can’t choose a particular one. However, some of my favorites memories include sleeping under the stars, doing fun activities, and spending time with friends.
You are giving your child the gift of magical childhood memories – dirt, adventure, story, and joke-filled days and nights spent with friends outdoors, under the stars, and around the campfire. These childhood memories will last forever. And, as Michael Thompson, PhD, so eloquently states, “Our sweetest childhood memories do not include adults.”
#8 RELAX
The atmosphere is so relaxed.
You are giving your child a break from the pressures and stress of competitive sports, school, and you. Forgive me if that offends, but I, too, am a well-meaning but over-involved parent who provides just a bit too much advice, feedback, and guidance to my children. Our kids need a break from our well-intentioned involvement in their lives.
#9 GET UNPLUGGED
Camp has helped me appreciate nature and the outdoors a lot more than I think I would have if I didn’t go. I can go without my phone or connection to social media awhile, because camp has shown me that amazing stuff happens when you put your phone down and have a nice conversation with someone.
You are giving your child the chance to unplug and connect face-to-face with other kids and positive young adult role models.
#10 BECOME BETTER AT MAKING AND KEEPING FRIENDS
I feel like I have become a kinder person and am better at making friends because of camp.
The bonding and friendships that happen at camp are different from those that occur at school and on sports teams. The intensity of living together and experiencing life together, without distractions, creates the ideal setting to form life-long friendships and really get to know people well. Read more about camp friendships.
So, if people ever question your decision to send your young child to a traditional, longer camp stay this summer, let them know that it’s hard for you to let your child go, but that you’re giving your child a gift that will have more impact than any material item you’ve ever given.
There you have it! Ten of the reasons that great parents send their kids to camp! Don’t you feel good about your decision?
Audrey “Sunshine” Monke, MA, has been the owner of Gold Arrow Camp since 1989 and currently serves as the Chief Visionary Officer. In addition to her vision-casting and mentoring at GAC, Sunshine is an author (Happy Campers: 9 Summer Camp Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults), podcast host, speaker and coach on the topics of parenting, social skills, and happiness. Find out more at her website, Sunshine Parenting.
“It turns out that grit predicts performance better than IQ or innate talent. Grit makes our kids productive and successful because it allows them to reach their long-term goals despite life’s inevitable setbacks. This ability to overcome challenges makes them stronger and more masterful at their tasks. Moreover, the ability to cope with difficulty – to be resilient – paves the way for long-term happiness.” -Christine Carter, “Why I Send my Kids to Camp: It Grows their Grit”
#1 Learning self-reliance grows grit.
Campers learn to do more things for themselves when Mom or Dad aren’t around to clean up, make decisions, solve problems, intervene with social challenges, and remind kids about appropriate outerwear for a cold evening.
With counselors alongside for support, camp is a great place for kids to develop independence and self-reliance, which in turn increases their confidence.
Counselors will coach campers to be responsible for themselves and their things, but they will not tidy up campers’ bunks or dress them in warm sweatshirts. Learning to do more things for themselves – and seeing that they CAN do things without their parents’ help – grows campers’ grit.
#2 Experiencing mistakes and failures grows grit.
So often, parents step in and stop a failure before it occurs; how often have we rescued a homework assignment left behind on the desk or put the finishing touches on a procrastinated science board project? It’s just really hard to stand there and watch our children crash and burn when we know the easy fix, usually involving our intervention.
Unfortunately, by not allowing our kids to feel the pain of the forgotten assignment or the sting of the lackluster science board, we deprive them the chance to LEARN from their mistakes and NOT MAKE THEM AGAIN. Instead, they learn about “parental rescue,” which is not something we want our children to take with them into adulthood. At camp, kids make mistakes all the time and are actually encouraged to fail (which is viewed as nothing more than a first attempt in learning).
A camper forgets his water bottle? He walks back to the cabin with a buddy to get it. A camper didn’t hang up her towel after activity? She takes that same damp, icky towel to her next water sport. At camp, independently fixing mistakes and persevering through failures are celebrated. Campers are learning from these mistakes, and they are also growing their grit.
#3 Talking about, setting, and reaching goals grows grit.
At camp, kids have the opportunity to reinvent themselves and tell their own stories. Counselors encourage campers to talk about what they want to learn at camp, new skills they want to acquire, and specific goals they have for the camp session. These goals become a guidepost and motivation for campers as they move through camp, and whether they reach or almost-reach a goal, they grow through challenging themselves to try.
Water skiing—the first activity I taught at camp as a counselor—is a great example of how kids grow grit at camp. Frankly, waterskiing isn’t much fun for first-timers; in fact, it takes most people a lot of practice and effort just to get on top of the water, and most don’t make it to standing because they give up too early. But those who keep trying often discover a rewarding payoff.
In the same way, campers experience amazing gratification when they overcome a fear of heights or break through their shyness when talking to new people. Even pooping in the woods for the first time is celebrated as an accomplishment at camp! And each of these goals reached, big or small, grows grit.
#4 Facing new challenges grows grit.
In addition to specific activity or social skills goals, there are many new things campers experience that aren’t necessarily challenges, but they can be for some kids. Campers are faced with many new, unfamiliar things at camp: a new place to sleep, new people, new activities, new foods, and a new view, to name a few.
If you studied abroad during college, you know that living in a new country and navigating the culture grows your grit. For many kids, going to camp is like that. For an only child, living in close quarters with eight or nine other kids is a completely new experience. It may or may not be challenging, but it’s different and needs to be navigated. And every new experience, whether easy or difficult, grows the confidence kids have in themselves about approaching OTHER new experiences. And that grows their grit.
#5 Feeling emotional and physical discomfort grows grit.
Many campers feel some degree of emotional discomfort while away from home. Because of this, some parents will never send their kids to camp. Those parents simply can’t handle the idea of their child going through any kind of distress.
But those of us who have experienced how camp positively impacts our kids know that it’s the difficult, uncomfortable stuff that helps them grow. The most common emotional discomfort at camp is homesickness, and it’s especially painful and daunting for anxious kids. Homesickness is very real, but it can be a huge source of growth once the camper figures out how to overcome the emotions and successfully complete camp. I don’t know of any other setting where kids can be coached through a difficult time and emerge invigorated, proud, and wanting to do it again.
The physical discomforts of camp are also real. Parents may not want to hear about (and probably couldn’t handle themselves) the hardships involved in a big lightning storm, a frigid mountain night, a steep uphill hike, or lake water so cold it makes your teeth chatter. But these things are good for campers, who often don’t experience much physical discomfort at home. Campers speak with pride about the emotional and physical challenges they face and overcome at camp. And those experiences—maybe more than anything else—grow grit.
Audrey “Sunshine” Monke, MA, has been the owner of Gold Arrow Camp since 1989 and currently serves as the Chief Visionary Officer. In addition to her vision-casting and mentoring at GAC, Sunshine is an author (Happy Campers: 9 Summer Camp Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults), podcast host, speaker and coach on the topics of parenting, social skills, and happiness. Find out more at her website, Sunshine Parenting.
“If you’re sad or uncomfortable, I’ll come pick you up right away.”
In camp director lingo, we call this kind of pre-camp statement a “pick up deal.” And it’s a terrible idea. In fact, it’s a terrible idea to rescue kids from most forms of discomfort – something parents seem to be more prone to do these days.
Three decades ago, when I started as a camp director, it was unheard of for a parent to pick a child up early from camp due to homesickness. Parents knew that homesickness was part of the camp experience for many kids and that it was something their child – like thousands before them – would work through.
These days, we have a handful of campers who go home early every summer. Why? Because their parents can’t handle their child’s discomfort. As soon as a parent says, “Well, I said he could try it for a few days and if he didn’t like it, I would come get him,” we know there’s nothing we can do to help this child – and parent – be successful at working through the discomfort of their first separation from one another.
In our pre-camp literature to parents, we’re clear about homesickness dos and don’ts. Included in the “dos” is a reminder to “Expect a sad letter” and realize it may have been written during a quiet time when the camper was feeling reflective. Usually, campers feel much better long before the letter reaches home.
Among the “don’ts” are warnings against telling campers you will rescue them if they miss home or are sad. Nor should parents respond to sad letters with sad letters of their own. It’s okay to write that you miss your camper, but to tell them you are miserable as well, and so is the dog, will only make your camper want to come home even more. If your child is homesick, it will be encouraging to hear that “nothing exciting is happening at home.”
It takes a brave parent to allow their young child to go away to summer camp for a week or two and trust the camp staff will care for that child’s needs. But some parents who aren’t ready to let their child go to camp send them anyway, only to set their child up for failure.
Do campers feel uncomfortable at times?
Do campers sometimes get sad and miss home?
Yes and yes. And both of these are good things for their development into a functioning, thriving, independent adult human! They will need this later, when it’s time to leave home for college. Remember this: Summer camp is one of the very few places where young kids have the opportunity to grow their independence from parents.
So what do you say to your kid who’s experiencing normal pre-camp jitters? The truth is always a great option:
“There could be some challenging moments at camp, and I’m confident that you’re ready for this experience.” Or, “Feeling sad or uncomfortable is a normal part of new experiences. The great news is that you’ll grow and be more prepared for all of your future life adventures!”
So, is your child ready for camp? The better question might be this: Are you ready to be a camp parent?
If you can’t send your child to camp with confidence in their ability to work through the inevitable discomfort, the answer may be no. But if you can convince yourself that both you and your child are ready for the camp experience, what’s stopping you? There could be no better way to help your child grow.
Audrey “Sunshine” Monke, MA, has been the owner of Gold Arrow Camp since 1989 and currently serves as the Chief Visionary Officer. In addition to her vision-casting and mentoring at GAC, Sunshine is an author (Happy Campers: 9 Summer Camp Secrets for Raising Kids Who Become Thriving Adults), podcast host, speaker and coach on the topics of parenting, social skills, and happiness. Find out more at her website, Sunshine Parenting.
The great outdoors can be a great experience for children only if they know how to live and play together in a cooperative and collegial manner.
—Anne (teacher and camp parent)
Why do campers and alumni frequently say that they consider their camp friends, many of whom live far away and they see for only a few weeks each summer, their closest friends? Most camp experiences are intentionally set up to foster friendships as one of the top priorities, if not the top, priorities. At schools, on sports teams, and in other settings, there are usually other goals for kids that supersede social growth and fostering friendships. But at summer camp, making friends is the overarching and most important goal, so we take it seriously.
Kids who are socially adept and good at making friends thrive at camp, just like they do in all their other social settings. But it is the kids for whom social interactions are more challenging, whose social life presents a daily challenge, who have benefited the most from their camp experiences. Because counselors view themselves as their campers’ “Friendship Coaches,” understand their important role in helping campers learn to form close relationships, and provide ample opportunities for practicing, campers often improve their social skills while at camp. Counselors assess kids’ skills, identify social strengths and deficits, and use proven coaching techniques to encourage campers to learn and practice important friendship skills. Conversations about friendship are prevalent at camp, friendships are celebrated, and continuing connection outside of camp is encouraged. Many kids report that their camp counselors are the first adults who ever talked with them about making friends and being a good friend.
A few years ago, I conducted research on the impact camp experiences have on children’s social skills and happiness. This research was through the California State University, Fresno for my master’s degree thesis entitled, “The Perceived Impact of Camp Experiences on Youth Social Skills and Subjective Well-Being.”
Children and adolescents require more than intellectual growth and physical health to become happy, successful adults. They also need to develop the social skills necessary for positive relationships with others (Crosnoe, 2000). The importance of quality childhood friendships for well-being both during childhood and later in life has been clearly established, and many camp programs specifically focus on fostering those friendships, along with teaching, modeling, and practicing social skills.
Campers look like they’re having a lot of fun playing outdoors and learning new activities, but are they also learning life skills during just two weeks at a residential summer camp? That was one of the primary questions of this study, which examined the perceived impact of a two-week residential camp experience on children’s happiness and social skills development. Participants were 167 children ages 6-15 from six different two-week, residential summer camps in Arizona, California, and Colorado. The children completed an end-of-camp written survey during the summer of 2014 in which they were asked to rate (1-5) how much they thought their social skills were impacted by their camp stay. Did their social skills, for example, get a lot worse (1) or a lot better (5)?
Participants’ parents went on-line to complete the same survey two to four weeks after their child’s camp stay. Both children and parents reported significant positive changes in the children’s social skills and happiness as a result of their two-week camp experience, and 140 of 147 (95%) children reported improvement in their overall social skills.
Social Skills Improvement
Social Skill
% of Campers Reporting Improvement
Mean Answer
Choose people who would be good to be friends with.
64% (107 out of 156)
3.91
Get to know more things about my friends.
74% (123 out of 155)
4.18
Enjoy being with my friends.
69% (115 out of 157)
4.17
Help my friends have a good time when they are with me.
64% (107 out of 157)
4.03
Find ways to meet people I want to be friends with.
65% (108 out of 157)
4.06
Get to know people who I might want to become friends with.
73% (122 out of 157)
4.10
Listen carefully to things that my friends tell me.
60% (100 out of 156)
3.94
Understand my friends’ emotions.
62% (103 out of 157)
4.01
Focus on Friendship
Camp counselors, unlike teachers, view their primary role as one of facilitating friendships and positive experiences. They are also trained to help campers build social skills. At most camp programs, counselors participate in up to a week of training prior to the summer. Sessions include exercises in communication, leadership, and team building, during which counselors are trained to lead “ice-breakers” that help campers get to know one another and connect. Making friends is an important part of the camp experience, and with the help of their counselors, children learn and practice their friend-making skills. Given that camp programs emphasize forming new friendships and rekindling old friendships, the finding that children felt their social skills improved as a result of camp supports the hypothesis of this study and anecdotal testimonials. Not surprisingly, all campers (100%) reported making new friends at camp, with 99% of campers’ parents (132/133) reporting the same.
How many new friends did you make at camp?
Number of New Friends
% of campers
0
0%
1-3 friends
14%
4-6 friends
14%
7-9 friends
19%
10 or more friends
44%
Note: 10 children (6%) did not answer the question.
How do camp experiences foster friendships and develop campers’ social skills?
While the specific mechanisms for social skills development were not part of this study, campers’ comments provide some clues as to why camp experiences help foster close friendships and improved social skills.
Sense of belonging and social acceptance, understanding their value to the camp community:
“I’m not exaggerating, camp is my favorite place on Earth. The people provide a sense of belonging and ‘welcomeness.’ I’ll be back next year!”
“I liked the freedom you are provided with and how many new friends you can make within two weeks!”
“Camp is really fun. It’s usually hard to make friends, but here it’s easy.”
“I liked bonding with my horse, my friends, and the counselors.”
“Camp is really fun and it’s usually hard to make friends, but here it’s easy.”
“I get to make new friends and grow better friendships with existing friends.”
Opportunity to practice skills like cooperation, altruism, and empathy:
“What I like best about camp is creating connections and having a new home.”
“What I like best about camp is hanging out with my friends.”
“Camp helps me come out of my shell.”
“It’s fun and I get to play with my friends.”
Improved ability to label emotions in facial expressions, more time in face-to-face communication (no screens!):
“I want to come back to camp to get away from electronics, and I really like this experience.”
“I liked that there are no electronics, like a cleanse.”
Opportunity to practice their conversation skills at meals, activities, around the campfire, during rest time and while walking around camp:
“I loved doing activities with my cabin group and just talking to them.”
“The best thing about camp is the bonding time you spend with your cabin mates.”
Meeting new people:
“I love camp and getting outdoors and meeting new people from places all over the world.”
“I loved all of the wonderful counselors and the friends I made.”
Children who live together in close quarters, share activity and meal times, and gather around campfires in discussion and games get an intense burst of time with one another and often report feeling closer to their friends at camp—with whom they spend only two weeks—than to their school friends. Because they are with each other so much and—at the six camps of focus in this study—are required to unplug from electronics, children at summer camp spend more time in intentional, directed conversation as compared to when they are not at camp. Trained counselors lead campers through team- and relationship-building activities throughout the day, skills that are more deeply developed thanks to increased face-to-face communication.
At camp, children are socializing with one another from the moment they wake up until the minute they fall asleep. They have time to internalize group social norms and learn appropriate social interactions by emulating counselors and fellow campers. For a child who has grown up in the same neighborhood or gone to the same school their whole life, camp may be the first opportunity to meet such a large number of new friends and interact with a diverse group of people. Campers get practice talking to new people, figuring out appropriate self-disclosure, and asking questions to get to know others. It’s no surprise that campers and parents believe camp improves social skills. Those two weeks each summer spent at camp may, indeed, be life changing. And new friends and improved social skills may be the reason!
REFERENCES
Crosnoe, R. (2000). Friendships in childhood and adolescence: The life course and new directions. Social Psychology Quarterly, 63(4), 377-391. doi: 10.2307/2695847
Wendy Mogel’s best selling book,The Blessing of a Skinned Knee, resonated with me. I can relate much of her message to camp and to my own family. I heard Dr. Mogel speak at a conference several years ago, and she continues to be active in the camp community. Many of our camp parents have heard her speak at school parenting events or have read her book. If you haven’t had a chance to read The Blessing of a Skinned Knee, I highly recommend it. In addition to sharing about the importance of letting our kids take healthy risks, and not always rescuing them from failure, Mogel gives many other valuable insights. She has recognized the value of camp experiences in the development of emotionally healthy kids, as you can read in the article “Camp Blessings” on her website.
A question I often get asked, especially by kids who haven’t yet been to GAC, is “What if I don’t want to do an activity?” Sometimes it starts with a statement, “I don’t like horses. Do I have to do that activity?”
My short answer is, “You won’t be forced to do any activities, but you will still go with your group, and you will be encouraged to try.”
I think there are three main reasons kids don’t want to do a particular activity, and they are the same reasons why adults often choose to forgo some recreational options:
1. A previous negative experience with the activity, usually not at camp and not with experienced instructors.
Falling off a horse, being dragged behind a ski boat and not getting up, or getting lost on a hike are all examples of negative experiences that make a person naturally inclined not to want to try again.
2. Fear!
Fear of being humiliated. Fear of failure. Fear of heights. Fear of deep lake water. Fear of rocks. Fear of going to the bathroom in the woods. Fear of getting hurt. The list goes on and on.
3. Based on their perception of themselves or their past successes/failures, they think they won’t like it.
It’s not in their normal repertoire of things they like and/or are good at.
I’m sure there are other reasons for kids to not want to do an activity, but these are three that readily come to mind from what campers have told me over the years. Interestingly, the reasons kids don’t want to do an activity are the very reason for trying the activity and may be the best thing that happens at camp for that camper.
If a child doesn’t want to do an activity because of a previous negative activity, trying it at camp could lead to either a changed mind (and a new activity they like) or, at the very least, a not-as-negative experience to remember.
If a camper doesn’t want to do an activity because of fear, then trying the activity could be the most life-changing event that occurs for that camper during their camp stay. Overcoming fears and challenging oneself to attempt something that seems impossible can lead to great feelings of accomplishment and improved confidence. With the support and encouragement from cabin mates and counselors, campers feel on top of the world after successfully trying something they feared. For the camper with a fear of heights, climbing half-way up the ladder on the high ropes course will be celebrated as a huge accomplishment, and one that can make him/her proud. This is an example of something hard that leads to something good, a theme that Dr. Mogel stresses. The camp environment offers a supportive place for kids to learn how to overcome fears and accomplish things they didn’t think were possible.
If a camper doesn’t want to do an activity because they don’t think they’ll like it based on their preferences or perception of themselves, trying something different offers an opportunity for expanded confidence. A camper who sees himself as non-athletic and more adept at target sports may shy away from the more physical activities, yet trying and accomplishing them could change his perception of himself in a positive way. A camper who likes shopping and clothes and sees herself as not an “outdoorsy” kind of person may dread going on a backpacking trip. Yet, the experience of cooking and sleeping outdoors could lead to an expanded view of herself and an appreciation for the many different facets of a personality. Sometimes, the activity a camper thought would be their least favorite becomes a favorite!
So, when a camper tells us all the reasons why they “don’t want to” or “can’t” do an activity this summer, we will continue to encourage them to “give it a try,” because we know the hidden blessings in the least favorite activity.
“My shy, quiet nine-year-old went to camp not knowing a soul. She came home transformed. She blossomed. She made friends, learned a multitude of activities, felt safe, loved, confident, and happy — really, really happy. As hard as it was on me, it was all worth it for her. It was the single best thing I have ever done for her.” – First-time camp parent
In today’s screen-addicted, fast-moving, ultra-competitive world, raising kids who grow into flourishing, kind, independent adults has become more challenging for parents. But research by the American Camp Association shows that even just one week at a quality summer camp program can benefit your child’s development of important life skills. In partnership with parents who are focused on their child’s healthy development, Gold Arrow Camp offers a positive, growth-focused outdoor experience that can help your child develop important life skills including independence, an appreciation for the outdoors, the ability to have fun while being unplugged from technology, and the social skills needed to make and keep friends.
The idea of having your child away from you for a week may seem scary at first, but the benefits of sending your child to one week of summer camp will last a lifetime. At camp this summer, your child will…
DEVELOP INDEPENDENCE
“Going to camp has made me even more independent and a much better people-person. I am able to go confidently up to someone and introduce myself, or hang out with someone new because of my time at camp.” – Five-year camper
Whether due to parenting trends or the constant electronic connection we have with our kids, children are much less independent than we were at their same age. Twenty years ago, we were babysitting infants at 13. Now, some of us hire babysitters for our 13-year-olds! By sending your child to camp, you give your child the opportunity to live and thrive without being with you and under your constant scrutiny. The growth in confidence and independence happen at camp BECAUSE you are not there. You can read more about why camp experiences help kids develop independence in Parking Your Helicopter.
EXPERIENCE OUTDOOR CHILDHOOD FUN & ADVENTURE
Most of the time our kids spend outdoors is during highly-structured organized sports, orchestrated by adults. Little time is spent just exploring, building forts, and appreciating the awesome view that hiking up a mountain trail allows. By sending your child to camp, you give your child the gift of magical childhood memories – dirt, adventure, story, and joke-filled days and nights spent with friends outdoors, under the stars, and around the campfire. These childhood memories will last forever. And, as Michael Thompson, Ph.D. So eloquently states, “Our best childhood memories do not include adults.”
GET UNPLUGGED
“Camp has helped me appreciate nature and the outdoors a lot more than I think I would have if I didn’t go. I can go without my phone or connection to social media awhile because camp has shown me that amazing stuff happens when you put your phone down and have a nice conversation with someone.” – Five-year camper
Whether checking to see how many people liked their Instagram posts, texting messages to friends, playing video games, or watching TV, our kids are spending a lot of their hours in front of screens. We parents are, too. By sending your child to camp, you are giving your child the chance to completely unplug and learn to better connect face-to-face with other kids and positive young adult role models. Getting unplugged is one of our favorite topics, so read more at Five Reasons to Unplug and Get Unplugged to learn about the many benefits of taking a break from technology.
BECOME BETTER AT MAKING AND KEEPING FRIENDS
“I feel like I have become a kinder person and am better at making friends because of camp.” – Three-year camper
The bonding and friendships that happen at camp are different from those that occur at school and on sports teams. The intensity of living together and experiencing life together, without distractions, creates the ideal setting to form life-long friendships and really get to know people well. Read more about camp friendships in Friendship: The Gold of Childhood. You can also read the research that shows how camp helps develop important social skills.
We can’t wait to be back together at GAC for summer, 2021, because we are so much BETTER TOGETHER than we are apart!
Last summer, we explored the theme of BE YOU, which was appropriate – and hopefully helpful – as all of us navigated a summer without in-person GAC. You can still access all of the resources we shared to help you learn to be your very best self, because being your best self is always a great idea. We sent a BE YOU workbook to each of our campers (let us know if you need us to send another copy!).
This summer, we’ll be having fun, making friends, and growing our skills (as always), AND we’ll be focusing more closely on these specific skills that remind us how we are better when we live, work, and play together:
Practice Face-to-Face Social Connection & Friendship Skills
Develop active listening skills
Celebrate each other
Practice Teamwork
Foster Empathy
Practice Face-to-Face Social Connection & Friendship Skills
Unplugging and connecting face-to-face is one of our core values at GAC. This summer, perhaps more than ever before, practicing those connection and friendship skills will be central to each of our camper’s experience at GAC. This summer, we’ll unplug from our screens and focus on the real, face-t0-face, messy real-life relationships that make life meaningful. We’ll work on the skills kids need to make and keep friends, including introducing themselves to others, asking good questions, listening well, celebrating each other, and developing empathy.
“The way to improve your listening skills is to practice “active listening.” This is where you make a conscious effort to hear not only the words that another person is saying but, more importantly, the complete message being communicated.
In order to do this you must pay attention to the other person very carefully.
You cannot allow yourself to become distracted by whatever else may be going on around you, or by forming counter arguments while the other person is still speaking. Nor can you allow yourself to get bored, and lose focus on what the other person is saying.”
How well we listen impacts all areas of life – including the quality of our relationships with others. Active listening is one of the social skills we’ll focus on modeling and teaching campers this summer. Listening well helps us avoid conflicts and misunderstandings.
Five Key Active Listening Techniques (we’ll be practicing)
1. Pay Attention – Give speaker your undivided attention by looking at the speaker directly and putting aside distracting thoughts.
2. Show that you’re listening by using your body language (nodding, smiling and other facial expressions, posture that is open and interested) and small verbal comments like “yes,” and “uh huh.”
3. Provide feedback by reflecting on what the speaker said and asking follow up questions.
4. Refrain from interrupting and defer judgment by allowing speaker to finish each point before asking questions. Wait until the speaker is done to share your perspective.
5. Respond appropriately in a way that is respectful and the way you want to be treated when you speak.
Celebrate Each Other
Responding positively to others’ triumphs is a friendship-enhancing skill that research has proven also enhances marriages and other relationships. If our kids learn to be as happy and excited for their friend’s victory as if it were their own, that’s an excellent relational skill that will benefit them throughout their lives. Throughout their stay at GAC, campers will be encouraged to cheer each other on and celebrate with each other when a friend reaches a goal, overcomes a fear, or tries something new. When campers truly celebrate each others’ accomplishments, their friendships grow stronger.
“No one can whistle a symphony. It takes a whole orchestra to play it.” H.E. Luccock
In this competitive, self-focused era, learning to be part of a team is a valuable skill that is not often taught to children (or adults!). Kids participate on many sports teams, but often that experience does not end up being a lesson in teamwork. Instead, sports teams often become a competitive experience of trying to get the position or play time they want as an individual.
One reason for our focus on non-competitive programs is so that kids can learn new skills without feeling the pressure to win or be the best. We also want kids to learn to be part of a team (their cabin group) and be better team members. The experience of living with a group of diverse people in a cabin group is the first lesson in teamwork that campers learn. Campers learn to work together to keep their living area organized, do daily clean up, and get to where they need to be (meals, activities, etc.). They also learn to support and encourage each other and help each cabin member do their best at each activity.
Youth today are experiencing the highest level of narcissism and mental health issues (depression, anxiety, suicide) in history. The research-backed antidote, and one cure for what ails young people and adults alike, is increased empathy. This summer, counselors will model empathy and encourage campers to practice more kindness and empathy with one another.
Empathy is a social skill that is difficult to teach and, in fact, difficult to define. Generally, empathy is our ability to sense others’ emotions and imagine what they may be thinking or feeling. Gwen Dewar, Ph.D., calls empathic responses “standard-issue, grown-up social skills,” yet even adults have trouble with them. If adults struggle with empathy, how much more difficult must it be for children! But self-awareness, self-regulation, and the ability to take another’s perspective are all skills children must come to know.
Life is more fun and has much more meaning when we are together. This summer we’ll be celebrating being back together and will be practicing being Better Together!
More fun Things
Jack Johnson’s song, Better Together, will certainly be sung and listened to this summer at GAC!
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Tom Rosenberg has a distinguished career in the camp profession and a long resume of service to ACA. He most recently served as the executive director of Camp Judaea in Hendersonville, North Carolina. Prior to Camp Judaea, Tom spent more than two decades with Blue Star Camps in North Carolina, most of those years as a director. Tom is a past national treasurer and board member of the ACA as well as a past board president and treasurer of ACA Southeastern. A founding board member of the North Carolina Youth Camp Association, Tom was awarded the Henderson County Chamber of Commerce’s inaugural Camp Industry Leadership Award as well as the American Camp Association’s National Honor Award and ACA Southeastern’s Distinguished Service Award.
#3 GROW THEIR GRIT
#6 
#10 BECOME BETTER AT MAKING AND KEEPING FRIENDS
event that occurs for that camper during their camp stay. Overcoming fears and challenging oneself to attempt something that seems impossible can lead to great feelings of accomplishment and improved confidence. With the support and encouragement from cabin mates and counselors, campers feel on top of the world after successfully trying something they feared. For the camper with a fear of heights, climbing half-way up the ladder on the high ropes course will be celebrated as a huge accomplishment, and one that can make him/her proud. This is an example of something hard that leads to something good, a theme that Dr. Mogel stresses. The camp environment offers a supportive place for kids to learn how to overcome fears and accomplish things they didn’t think were possible.
